According to the Childhood Bereavement Network, around 46,300 children in the UK aged 0–17 lose a parent each year—about 127 children every day. This means that 1 in 29 school-age children has experienced the death of a parent or sibling, equating to roughly one child in every classroom. Many more have endured the loss of a grandparent, other relatives, close friends, or even pets.
As the new school year begins, children often experience a range of emotions about returning to school after the summer holidays. Some may feel a bit anxious, while others are excited to get back to learning and reconnecting with friends. However, for some children, this return to school will be anything but typical. Those who have experienced a bereavement during the summer face a very different start to the year. These grieving children may have mixed feelings some might be eager to reestablish their routine, while others may dread returning to class, confronting teachers, or interacting with peers. For these children, the return to school can be particularly challenging, requiring significant emotional adjustments for them and their families.
Parents and caregivers may find sending a grieving child or young person back to school an emotional and anxious time. They naturally want their child to feel safe and may worry about how they will cope in a less sheltered and potentially less understanding environment outside the home. Some may feel relieved that a sense of a new normality is returning and a more consistent routine in place.
School teachers, teaching assistants, counsellors, wellbeing teams may also feel uncertain about how best to support a grieving child while managing the demands of a full classroom. They too may be coping with their own grief from the summer holidays, striving to create a nurturing and supportive environment for their students. There are no simple solutions, as each child’s situation is unique, but we would like to offer some caring and compassionate tips to help ease the transition back to school:
Talk to your child: Explain that you’ve spoken to their teachers and that it’s okay to feel upset and that there are people they can talk to in school if it becomes too overwhelming. Involve your child by asking what they’d like you to share with the school, so they feel part of the process.
Talk to the school: Before your child returns to school, inform the school about the death, what your child knows, and who else is aware of the situation. Ask the school to keep you updated on how your child is coping, and they may offer additional support, it’s always a good idea to ask what support is available.
On the first day: Try to arrive early to avoid the crowd outside the school, making the start of the day a bit easier. It can feel intimidating to be around lots of people again. If a child is usually brought to school by the person, they are bereaved it can be helpful to address this and talk about memories and changes to this routine.
At school: When your child returns, acknowledge the death and ask how they would like to be supported. You could agree on a signal for them to indicate if they need some time alone, such as placing a card on their desk. Discuss options for private spaces where they can go if they become upset, and who will accompany them if needed.
Communicate with the school: Maintaining good communication between home and school is essential for a smooth transition after a child or young person has experienced a bereavement. It’s important that students know their teachers and other school staff are aware of their loss and are available for support. Planning ahead with educators to establish clear guidelines can make a significant difference, and it may help for the child to meet with their teacher before school starts or early in the term. Regular check-ins with teachers, counsellors, or wellbeing teams allow parents to stay informed about how their child is coping academically and emotionally, enabling early identification of any challenges. Grief is not a linear process, so it’s crucial to be patient and recognise that the child’s needs may change over time, with both good days and bad days along the way.
Acknowledge the grief: For those supporting a grieving child or teen, it’s important not to act as if nothing has changed. A significant loss has occurred, and acknowledging it is one of the most meaningful things you can do. Mentioning the name of the person who died and gently inquiring about them shows care and helps maintain the connection to the loved one. However, be sensitive to the child’s comfort level as they may prefer these conversations to be private or infrequent. Each child or teen will handle grief differently, and respecting their individual journey is key.
Listening is key: Children and teens need the unwavering trust and stability of the adults in their lives. After a loss, it’s important to make space for their feelings whenever they are ready to express them. Listening carefully, without trying to fix or diminish their grief, is crucial. Avoid phrases like “I know how you feel” or “Everything happens for a reason,” which can make them feel misunderstood. Instead, offer a patient, empathetic ear. Some children may not want to talk at school or might prefer a private space when they do. Balancing regular check-ins with allowing the child to lead the conversation can be a delicate but necessary approach.
Adjust expectations: Returning to school after a bereavement can impact a student’s academic performance. Concentration may be difficult, affecting their ability to complete assignments on time or even at all. Communicate with teachers about these common grief-related challenges and discuss what accommodations might be needed. This might include extra time for assignments or alternative tasks that better suit the student’s current capabilities.
Set routines and boundaries: Grieving students might exhibit changes in behaviour, such as acting out or withdrawing. Others might immerse themselves in their work as a coping mechanism. While expectations may need to be adjusted to support their success, maintaining routines, limits, and boundaries is still important. These provide a sense of normalcy and safety when everything else feels uncertain. Adults should strive to balance flexibility with clear rules and consequences, paying close attention to any significant behavioural changes both at school and at home.
In supporting grieving children and teens, the role of compassionate adults whether at home or in school is invaluable. With understanding, communication, and care, we can help ease their transition back to school during this difficult time.
It’s important to remember that staff members may also have experienced a bereavement during the holidays and supporting them as they return to work is essential. The start of a new school year can be challenging on its own adjusting to a new class and transitioning from holiday mode to a full work routine is no easy feat, even without the burden of grief. Just as we provide support and make adjustments for children returning to school after a loss, we must also consider the needs of staff members who may need similar understanding and care during this difficult time.
There are many places that can offer support for bereaved children and their families: