As Children’s Grief Awareness Week (18th-24th November 2024) ends, we turn our attention to those who are supporting children through the profound experience of losing a loved one. Losing a loved one is never easy, and when your colleague is navigating grief while caring for children, the challenges can feel even more overwhelming. As a compassionate and supportive coworker, it’s important to create an environment where they feel understood, respected, and supported during this incredibly difficult time. Here’s how you can offer help and comfort in the workplace without overstepping, while respecting their space and emotional needs.
Acknowledge their loss with sensitivity
The first step in supporting your colleague is acknowledging their loss. However, it’s important to be mindful of their emotions and their preferences. Some people may want to talk about their loved one, while others may prefer to grieve privately. A simple message like, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if you need anything,” shows that you care without being intrusive. If they choose to share their grief, listen attentively and offer a kind word, but avoid offering unsolicited advice unless they ask for it. Sometimes, just being there and letting them talk or sit in silence is the best form of support.
Offer practical help, but be considerate
Grieving while managing children can be especially difficult. Offer practical help in ways that can ease their workload both at home and in the workplace. Some ideas include:
Flexible work hours: Grieving while caring for children may require flexibility. If possible, talk to HR or a supervisor about adjusting their schedule or allowing them to work remotely for a time. Small adjustments, like allowing them to leave work early for family responsibilities, can make a big difference.
Helping with workload: Without assuming, offer to assist with tasks that might be overwhelming for them. Simple gestures, like helping to manage a project, covering meetings, or taking on extra tasks temporarily, can ease their burden.
Respect Their Need for Time and Space
Grief doesn’t follow a clear timeline, and it’s important to give your colleague the space they need to heal, while respecting their boundaries. Understand that there may be days when they need to step back from work completely or when they’re unable to participate fully in team activities. Offering them time off or the ability to take a mental health day can be invaluable during such a stressful time. Make sure to communicate that taking time for themselves is okay and that the workplace will be understanding. This might include offering additional bereavement leave or helping them coordinate time off to deal with funeral arrangements or emotional recovery.
Support the Emotional Well-being of the Whole Family
If your colleague has children, they may be balancing their own grief with the needs of their kids. They may be dealing with questions or challenges related to explaining death to their children or managing their own emotions while trying to care for them. Offer support that acknowledges this added layer of complexity:
Acknowledge the children: If appropriate, consider acknowledging the children in a kind, gentle way. A card or small gesture that shows you recognise what they’re going through as a family can be thoughtful and comforting.
Check-in: Ask how their children are doing but be careful not to pressure your colleague into sharing too much. A simple, “How are the kids holding up?” shows you care, but allows them to share what they’re comfortable with.
Resources for family support: If your company offers resources, such as grief counselling or support groups, offer them gently as a potential source of help not just for your colleague, but also for their children. Some workplaces have family support options that can help grieving parents find resources for their children to process grief.
Be Patient with Their Return to Work
Returning to work after a loss, especially when there are children involved, can be emotionally exhausting. Understand that your colleague may not immediately be ready to jump back into their old routines or take on their previous workload. Be patient and allow them to ease back in at their own pace. Check in with them regularly but avoid pushing them to “move on” or “get back to normal.” Understand that they may need time to adjust to a “new normal,” which could take weeks or even months.
Maintain Open Communication
The key to supporting someone during a difficult time is maintaining open and respectful communication. Let your colleague know that you’re there for them without pressuring them. If they need to take time off, provide a gentle reminder that they have your full support.
If they seem like they want to talk, be there to listen. If they don’t, respect that too. Your support may come in different forms depending on their preferences, so keeping the door open for communication is key.
Celebrate Their Strength and Resilience
Grief, especially for someone caring for children, can feel overwhelming. Make sure to celebrate your colleague’s resilience. Offer words of encouragement when you see them managing it all, even if it’s just getting through the day. A simple compliment or acknowledgment of their strength can go a long way in showing your support.
Supporting a colleague through the loss of a loved one, especially when children are involved, requires compassion, patience, and respect. The most important thing you can offer is a listening ear, flexibility, and understanding. Your support can make a significant difference as they navigate through one of the toughest times of their life, both emotionally and logistically.
By offering kindness and practical assistance, you help create an environment where your colleague feels cared for and supported without adding to their burdens. Remember that grief is unique to each person, and being there in whatever way they need can offer a sense of comfort and peace during a very difficult time.
Offering Support When You Can’t Do It All
It’s completely understandable that not all the suggestions we make for support can always be implemented in every workplace. Each work environment has its own structure, policies, and limitations, and sometimes there may be challenges when it comes to providing flexible hours, covering workloads, or adjusting responsibilities. However, even small gestures of support can make a big difference and are likely to be deeply appreciated by your colleague and their family during such a difficult time.
Offering what you can whether it’s a kind word, a thoughtful note, or a small act of understanding can have a lasting impact. Even if you’re unable to offer the kind of tangible support they may need in terms of time or practical help, your empathy and willingness to be there for them in whatever way possible can provide emotional relief.
For example, simply acknowledging that your colleague may be having a tough day and giving them the space to express their feelings can be incredibly valuable. You might not be able to reduce their workload or give them extra time off, but you can offer emotional support by creating a safe and understanding space where they feel heard.
It can be difficult to navigate situations like this so make sure that you look after yourself and seek support if you need help.
Places of support are available.
www.workplacebereavement.co.uk
www.childbereavementuk.org
www.thelossfoundation.org
www.winstonswish.org